Valentine’s Day and Singleness

On a day when our culture draws attention to romantic love, we do well to remember the beautiful biblical picture of friendships between members of the body of Christ—whether the believers involved in such relationships are married or unmarried, whether dating or single.

Sam Allberry, in his new book, 7 Myths about Singleness, draws attention to the truth that both singleness and marriage involve great challenges—that is, both are hard.  So if singles go around with dreamy notions of that hoped-for marriage, they’re not reckoning with reality.

In her review of 7 Myths about Singleness, Lore Ferguson Wilbert notes, “Allberry argues that although sex is part of intimacy in marriage, it isn’t as foundational to intimacy as friendship—and friendship is available to the unmarried as well as the married. This concept, if truly believed and adopted, would free many unmarried Christians who worry they’re missing out on intimacy because of their singleness.”

Given that the Bible’s big story is about a marriage to be fully realized in the age to come (see, e.g., this article), Allberry points out how “singleness now is a way of saying that this future reality is so certain and so good that we can embrace it now. It is a way of declaring to a world obsessed with sexual and romantic intimacy, that these things are not ultimate and that in Christ we possess what is” (120).

Lore Ferguson Wilbert also observes that “7 Myths about Singleness isn’t a book for married people to simply hand off to their single friends when they’re tired of hearing them grumble about their season of life. It’s a book that would be best used in small groups of both married and also unmarried people, especially among mixed genders. Many of the lies singles believe are reinforced by the way they’re treated by married people. There is an equal onus on the married, then, to fight the lies about singleness.”

She ends her review of Allberry’s book by addressing matters of definition—what singleness is.  It is “a sometimes hard, but always good, gift of God today for the one he loves.”

And so, in the midst of today’s disappointment or uncertainty or yearning for a dream to come true, our Good Father beckons us to trust him afresh, fix our eyes on Jesus, and step out to shine and share his love.  Are you willing to trust him with your relationships today?

[To get better acquainted with Allberry, listen to this interview with him.  And also check out Cassie Watson’s very helpful review of 7 Myths about Singleness.]